‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (at Acceleration Partners)


‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the land

Not a retailer was stirring, no more promos were planned;

Products had been pushed by marketers with care,

In hopes that year-end performance bonuses soon would be there;

The Acceleration Partners team was all nestled in bed;

Except for our founder who had gotten it in his head;

To send a few more emails before the clock struck four,

Affiliate marketing is busy growing up, you know.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

Bob climbed out of the Cave to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

Was it a nifty mechanical plane or an Amazon drone?

Surely it wasn’t yet legal for those to be flown.

No, before Bob’s wondering eyes did appear,

A miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,

Why, it was St. Nick with a sleigh full of toys

Then with a brilliant idea, Bob’s mind leapt with joy:

Why not ask the jolly old elf to become an affiliate,

And earn a commission for every toy he delivered?

And when little children sat on his lap in the mall

With tales of our merchants he their hearts could enthrall

And he could instill in their greedy little brains

A desire for toys that from our merchants came

So while Santa was busy screaming at Dasher and Vixen

Who narrowly avoided crashing into the Glazer’s kitchen

Bob made his way to the chimney beside the glimmering tree

To lie in wait for this exciting partnership opportunity

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound,

Thinking innocently no digital marketers were around.

He had a broad face and a little round belly

That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.

He hacked up some soot and went straight to his work

Filling all the stockings but turned around with a jerk,

When Bob extended a hand with a smile and said,

“An influencer like you could make money sitting in bed.

Even magic elves can’t make so many billions of toys,

Why not outsource the work, to merchants not in your employ.

You’ll earn a commission with every toy you purchase

From one of our top consumer brand merchants.

With all those commissions you could upgrade your sleigh,

Have you ever considered there might be a better way?”

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

The plump old elf considered what Bob had proposed.

It’s true Mrs. Claus had been wanting a vacation

Their finances had suffered from all these donations.

Old Santa liked very much what he heard

And he extended his hand and gave Bob his word.

“And have you ever considered starting a content blog?”

But Bob their conversation could not prolong.

The old man was gone away up the chimney,

Without so much as a sound and nary a shimmy.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But Bob heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—

“Happy holidays to all, and to all a good night!”

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